thinking of....

Mama :)

Thick lustrous hair framed her tiny oval face, her petite figure clad in a flattering white summer dress. Gliding across the room with ease like a queen before her throne, one would have guessed she was in her late twenties, at most early thirties.

Yet as she neared, I could glimpse faint crow lines materializing by her curly eyelashes. Her once smooth forehead was now a mess of unsightly creases. Every wrinkle etched onto her face represented the countless of worries I gave her. Suddenly, a gnarled hand with short and stubby fingers reached out to me. Those weathered hands had caressed my face when I was born, wiped away my tears when I faced failure, held me tightly in the warm embrace of care and love. Without hesitation I clasped them tightly, hoping to convey my love and gratitude towards my mother.

Looks do not matter.

thinking of....

ss swarming and eschewing my brain..

haha. sorry, i promised myself that i had to study 3 chapters of ss before coming online..currently the words, 'economic advancement', 'foreign revenue' and much more are running amok in my mind..

on a lighter note, i have a so-called holiday today! because some people are taking their practical exams and i'm not! haha. i am positively shouting with glee. but of course, what's a 'vacation' without some studying. with ss and bio practicals this friday, no one's enjoying this reprieve unless they do some revision..

hmms, i forgot what i wanted to share...

oh yah! i got it now!

read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.

i was bowled over by it. well at least at some parts, except the ending was a little anti-climatic (well each to his own taste, i was hoping for something more vengeful :P)

i spent the entire night reading it and completely ignored ss revision. it's touching, funny and really painful at times. seriously, tears were welling up my eyes twice ..

if you want a brief intro, it's about this girl who gets murdered and observes her grieving family and friends from the heaven above. and later on how they gradually move on and grow up. that's the gist.

i was reading laura's amazing booklist... i am green with envy, purple with choking jealousy .. she has so many books! and i have to get mine from the libraries and plead my parents for an occassional newly published one...sad, right? but at least the school library suffices at times. i just borrowed Hilary Clinton's autobiography and Lovely Bones . yups, but the autobiography will have to wait till the sept hols when i manage to squeeze some reading time from intensive studying...

a shout-out to laura (hopefully she sees it :) )

can i borrow some of your books after the o's????????? pretty please with a maraschino cherry on the top :) and a rainbow sprinkles and chocolate fudge :) ????

--- as you can see i'm usually starved for good reading material----
----i drive my dad mad after the exams--- cos i want to live in the library-- :)

thinking of....

my day.. haha. this is so mundane and ordinary.

nevertheless, i took my chemistry practical prelim exam today..which is a bit of a big deal to me, considering that i am NOT dexterous nor am i very precise, careful and graceful...

in fact, i'm the opposite.

blur, scatterbrained and clumsy.

so my mum decided that her daughter needed some encouragement and being a 'devout' buddhist. she proceeded to ask me to pray with some joss sticks this morning. i'm entirely respectful of my mum's religion, beliefs and wishes but i also told her plainly that it is like grabbing onto the buddha's feet at the eleventh hour (there's a chinese idiom for it).. then my dear brother decided to be the smart aleck and told me smugly, "Do you know that the glowing tip of your joss stick will pop when it detects hydrogen?"

i was overjoyed.....

Because my little(actually larger than me) brother provided me the opportunity to flaunt and revise my chemistry practial knowledge again so i corected him by telling him that a glowing tip relights in the presence of oxygen :) with a huge smirk on my face (i know i know i 'm such a horrible sister.. but i just couldn't resist!)

but i got 'retribution' because in my hurry to get out of the house, i left ALL my chemistry notes on my desk.. Looking on the bright light, i managed to de-stress by talking crap with my classmates instead of worrying endlessly before the exam..

surprisingly, i didn't meet any mishaps today in the lab. except i flung my pen in the air when i was nervous.hehe. well, it's over. i shan't talk about it...

poem time...(which reminds me i did miserably for my literature unseen poem test :( poem intepretation was never one of my stronger areas. i rather write .. haha)

What's that clock ticking for?

Hang onto the moment,
Time's a chasm.
Endless, bottomless pit,
Alice down the rabbit hole.

When does reality end?
When does fantasy begin?

Lines;blurred.
Memories; long faded.
Lives; meant to be lost?

What is time?
The duration of life.
The number of accolades.
The meaningful acts for the better.
Human's history of errors.

Does time exist,
Or is it a figment of our imagination.

Tick, tick, tick.
Minutes slowly filtering away.
The clock chastises me.
I better stop daydreaming,
Time's running.

thinking of....

me hogging most of the posts..

blaughs, i really sorry you've to bear with my crap because my counterparts (points accusing finger at jia and liz) are not pitting in. not that i blame them, the prelims are coming and they are busy and they have their blogs to tend too, while i'm here idling because i don't give a hoot about my blog (it's dead by the way) and i have nowhere else to relieve this boundless energy.

i think it's about time i posted something more p.p.ish (profound and philosophical) all those ramblings about everyday life is so mundane and uninteresting right? haha.

well, i was reading laura's post on her blog and it was about the wonders and profoundity of time, space.. i guess it's more climatic for physics students who will more likely undersatnd what she is extolling about. nevertheless, i somehow got the hang of it (must be due to a maths 's velocity nonsense)

i unashamedly admit that i'm not really a risk taker or someone who bothers to find out why things happen. i'm more likely to take a laid back stance and be the cynic, commenting and criticising but never in the middle of action. i don't crave for action nor thrills nor fame. in a sense, i am someone who enjoys the simple pleasures of life and cherishes the bliss of life (though i'm rather morbid as i always say, "we live to die"). in another sense, you could say i'm lazy, slothful.. etc. that's probably the main reason why i'll never make it to being a scientist or an explorer, i lack the motivation and driving force...

it's not that i'm lazy to think or find out about new areas and things or another zonked out cyber kid of our generation who no longer appreciates nature's wonder. it's just that i'm sick of the material world, the technology and even man sometimes. i would prefer to sit in a corner, staring at the stars, contemplating about life. just life. after all, politics, economics, social problems, money weren't all this created by man?

along with advancement was his companion, complication.

money is the root of all evil: how i wish i got that for english orals then i could tell the examiner in her face that no, man was the root of all evil because he was after all, the creator of money and he was the one who instill and created the greed for it. money is only a iece of paper, it's the value you give it.

can you imagine if someone suddenly went down the street one day and started tearing money, yelling at others to do so and get rid of this object representive of materialism and everyone starts doing so? imagine what a chaotic scene that will be, how much fear, anguish and bewilderment stock brokers, bankers, the entire finance world, the governments, the rich will experience? how liberated, overjoyed the poor will feel? how will the world be like? back to bartering?

you can't eat money. i think people got less practical and realistic down the generations. think if it was the end of the world who would be the ones surviving? the farmers? the tais tais?

ask yourself...

is wealth is measured by paper?

is survival is measured by paper?

we all think we are so clever to substitute money as a middleman. what if something or someone comes out and threatens to destroy and shake the foundations this comfortable system and structure we depend on? anything is possible. communism is one of the best examples. you put a bunch of people whose lives were ruined or limited by paper; money. feelings of anger are up. ever heard of peasant uprising? what about global poor citizens uprising?

this problem will never end. it's a vicious cycle. even without money, there will still be a segregated society; the poor and the rich. this was present all along and will be. it's just that why give an inanimate object such as a piece of paper so much power to wield over others' lives..

think about this..

it's from the movie 'The Day After Tomorrow'

" It's just that all I have been planning for, working towards.. it is now a future that no longer exists for me."

when the female lead said that line, i felt she was echoing my exact sentiments. i feel this sometimes.. i wonder do you?

thinking of....

how come no one is posting?

hellooo? liz? jia? anyone?

anyhow, i'll wish jia a HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY!

hmms. on a serious note, i've been really sick these days-- flu, sorethroat fever. am i really that vulnerable? i had the illusion that i'm rather robust! :)

so i (actually my dad) proceeded to be house-cooped for two whole days. two whole glorious days without the troubles of school. actually, no. because i still had a heaving pile of homework especially maths homework (glares murderously) and a ton of revision to do... and not to add a dollop of guilt to see i carry them out efficiently and rapidly (bio's getting to me. everything has to be efficiently and rapidly, otherwise there is somehow or another a blasted limiting factor :/)

let me share with you why..

this is a excerpt of an unfortunate conversation i had with cassie (my really good friend who happens to be a worrywart and a extremely smart one too)

me: (sighs) i haven't been revising for social studies and the exam is coming in two weeks!

cassie: me too!

me: really? i only studied 2 sec 3 chapters ..

(cassie looks at me in shock and astoundment)

me: (catching her look) so how much have you studied?

cassie: the whole sec 3 syllabus and midway sec 4

me: what?! you call that haven't study? i don't study everyday you know!

cassie: (looks at me innocently) really?

me: (sighs and mutters to myself) gosh, she studies everyday

cassie: yeah what.

my dear friends, do you see what i mean. then me being me went to aggravate the situation by asking cassie another question via sms yesterday, it read..........

" cass, is the bio test hard?'

her reply....

" it's not hard"

of course now looking back at my moment of folly i must take into consideration that this very girl topped the level in the biology exams, so her nonchalant reply was not as helpful...

well, the flu season is here. everyone grab your tissues!

on a contrary, i doubt it'll be the flu that will get to you first.

as my father exclaimed as he happened to glimpse my beautifully word-infested test schedule, " i think it's not the flu... it's the stress.."

what do you have to say to something like that.
say it with me with gusto!

"of course! it's singapore..what!"

(smiles ruefully)

thinking of....

how come the so-called 'nerd' a.k.a ME is posting so much..

haha, i know, i know everyone is studying like rabbits (oops. it is supposed to be breeding like rabbits. :/)

anyway. this is a marvellous outlet for me to de-stress.

it is my safety buoy in the murkey depths of relative velocity's river crossing diagrams...

it is the last tendril of my sanity before i pull out all my hair and become.... bald

haha, sorry it's just that i have my english oral tomorrow! *screams hysterically*

yups the examination which requires me to open my mouth and issue flowery vocabulary which are suppose to sweep the teachers off their feet. HAHS!

i can't even read properly. either i go too fast like a bullet train and i mean really a bullet train, a concorde i daresay at times : Or i apparently go all jerky and sound staccato :?. i didn't know that till my teacher told me this year. sigh, why is something called the oral *whines piteously*

in case there are some out there wondering why this damsel is getting her knickers in a twist over something as simple and easy as english oral. let me explain...

my parents are chinese educated. YES. you know the river valley 'cheena' people. yups, my dad's one of those buggers :P haha. and my mum, she communicates really well with her Japanese clients, especially with those who are learning how to speak english.. you get the flow of it? she understands their garbled english. they understand her lingo. together, you put two and two together. they somehow learn english from her ... that's how you get the term 'japanese engleesh'

sighs..

then i appear into the rosy picture. i love english books, the language. but what happens? sze min has an extensive vocabulary and can spell many words. but she can't pronounce them! most people out there can't spell but can pronounce and i happen to be the exact opposite. wHHHHHHHy????

sighs.

my predicament.

sighs.

thinking of....

the dictionary!

haha. i just love the dictionary and the thesaurus. i know some of you wouldn't believe this but i used ( and still, if i have the time) to read the dictionary for an hour or so.

yups, so when i decided to check up meanings for a few words i have been coming across. i was delayed as usual by the array of new and interesting words that ASSAULTED me while i was idly fipping through that thick Longman dictionary.. haha, i was checking up two words actually.

which are:
Incumbent
(which has been repeatedly appearing on ST because of the Presidential Elections.. which is by the way quite disheartening. i'll talk about that later. i digress :P)

and

Pleonastic
(Laura's blog url)

hehe. the meaning for incumbent is somewhat like the person presently holding the official position of e.g. President of S'pore. ( yah, i know you clever people are probably laughing at the ignorant me now. when i first came across incumbent, i thought ST was trying to insult President Nathan. cos incumbent sounded somewhat like cumbersome :P tsk tsk language and their similarities....)

the meaning for pleonastic or pleonasm is the usage of too many words/ adjectives to descride something. in short, OVERKILL. haha, sounds like Laura and her flowery, super complicated and confusing usage of english language which never fails to confound and confuse me :) seriously, laura is the personification of pleonastic ( a compliment. i have great respect for people with bombastic vocab. they knock me off my soles :P)

welll, i also came across a bundleful of interesting words to add on ..

example;

incubus (man who has sexual relations with many woman), propitiate(trying to please someone who harbours nagative feelings towards you), prosy (boring style of writing) and ossify (to root a concept firmly into place; eg. hardliners in USSR)

but the one i like best is proselytise (which is to persuade someone to join an organisation; religious or political)

haha, i feel like such a proselyte, someone who is persuaded to join :)

alright, on a more serious note

the lack of the presidential elections is rather a let-down. i was looking forward for the holiday okay? haha. actually, i think s'pore will benefit from a more compeitive political armosphere. i mean best man wins right? i have no qualms that if there was an election, incumbent (grins) President Nathan will probably win a secong term but it is still good to have a little compeition. i mean the political scene is a little too tame, wouldn't you say? especially after i read the sunday times headliner news today. haha. the correspondent had wrote.... " in the past 3 presidential elections. there have been no compeition for 2 as opponents were not awarded the certificate of elgilibility thus allowing the government-endorsed candidate to stand with no compeition." that's the gist of it anyway.

how are other nations going to view s'pore when we still have such a tame political scene where the government selects candidates and virtually secures a place. not that it is bad or i'm complaining. i must admit our government has done a good job this past 40 years. however if we are to remain like that...

the key question is WHEN and not how will we mature and progress as a nation???

i wonder....

thinking of....

Bus Passengers

Wipe the sleep from their half-open eyes.
Heat of the night long gone,
Replaced by a rainy July morning.
Moisture seeps through the thin fabric of clothing.

Icy wind swipes cheeks of those waiting.
Frigid air, skin reddening.
Transparent crystals shower upon them;
Splatters on their dropping eyelids.

The bus which screeches to a halt,
Awakens from their stupor.
Stumbling up its steps,
They board as usual.

It's 6.30am on Monday morning.

--------

thinking of....

Thoughts

Messy and torn at the seams,
Blackened with soot.
Yet rub it a little
To see shine beneath grime
Suddenly a mesmerizing find!

Like unraveling yarn
Or undone spider webs
A long winding process
Tedious and challenging
But quite fun!

Might be an original
Could be a repeated idea
Nonetheless the place where
Footsteps have trodden
Still remains much to be uncovered

Twisting, turning, twirling
Fear not the mazes
Nor the passing time
The mysteries of the mind
Rarely reveals its master.

--------------

well, i've to dash to tuition in 5 minutes.. just squeezing a short one here. been reading madeleine l' engle 's 'A Ring of Endless Light' for the umpteen time. it's really great. i like the references to science and god..weird though for a agnostic person like me :)

talking about science and god, i thought i'll just add this tiny (not so tiny) comment. i think scientology is ______ (anything negative).. in my case b*llshit?

haha. sorry to all scientologists out there. but seriously you believe in e-meters and earth sprouted from aliens and .....
i mean i'm not as megalomanic to think that only living organisms/humans/ organisms capable of individual thought only exists on the Earth.

however puleeeeese! this cult religion originated from a sci-fi writer..hmms, the provenance is already questionable.(aren't social studies students of singapore agreeing with me?!)

i'll avoid the topic of your newsworthy endorsement a.k.a tom cruise...

well, really got to go!

ciAo!

( btw, this are some pics from the movie..)



thinking of....

this letter I happened to glimpse upon while surfing for a korean movie i like. just some 'love' for thought..

the movie's really sad. the girl gets alzehemier disease and runs away to spare her husband the burden ( partly also because she finds her memory elasping and soon she's calling him her ex-boyfriend 's name)

yeps this is the letter, she writes to him before she leaves...

(Sorry! I just couldn't resist. Haha . this is not the junk you usually see here..)

-----

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I never meant to break your heart.
God, what have i done?
Are you crying now?
I didn't want to see you crying or in pain.
I wanted to make you happy.
But all I've done is put you in agony.
Chul-soo! Oh my love Chul-soo.
Don't get me wrong.
I only love you and only you.
I only think of you.
I only remember you.
How badly do i wish to show you my heart!
Is there any way i can do that while my memory remains?
Oh, my heart races.
I, kim su-jin love you choi chul-soo, only.
Don't want to forget that.
And i must not.
Can you see that?
Can you feel my heart?
I'm afraid my just returned memory will leave me again.
before i tell you everything i have to say.
I love you.
And i'm sorry.
I met you because i was forgetful.
I'm leaving you because i'm forgetful.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
How thankful i am to god for having sent you as gift to me.
I don't have to remember you.
You're a part of me.
I smile, laugh and smell like you do.
I might forget you,
But nothing can drive you out of my body.
Although you've never told me you loved me.
I know deep in my heart that you love me.
Forgive me for leaving you.

------

just for info, the movie is 'A moment to remember'

thinking of....

The last day of his life

Dawn;
The last orange orb he'd ever see
Raises majestically above the horizon
The birds signal another day
He sleeps on contentedly

Morning;
He wakes up,
Cursing while he brushes his teeth.
His alarm clock reads, "9.00am"
He is late for work

Noon;
Everyone has gone for lunch
But he has a proposal to submit
A take-away will do
He continues typing furiously

Afternoon;
The take-away lies on his desk
Cold and uneaten
He is inside his boss's office,
Receiving another scolding

Evening;
He remembers the appointment with his girlfriend
But quickly cancels it
The computer hums impatiently.
The proposal is waiting.

Night;
His eyes are blood shot
But the work is done.
He calls home,
He wants dinner

12 Midnight;
Outside his house,
a old lady totters across the road
He observes a car speeding her way
He leaps forward, pushing her aside.

12.01;
He lies in a pool of his own blood
A smile etched on his lips
The day is gone
But he has saved his mother's life

thinking of....

the long weekend ahead...

So I'm sitting here, lazing around, munching jam sandwiches from marks & spencers contentedly while typing this.

Aren't you jealous?

I had the political rally thing today for english.. Campaigning to for be the party representing Farrer Road Constituency in the Parliament. Really quite fun when my class got into the mood. You could hear all the 'Boos' and 'Woos'. Anyway, I find myself interested in politics. Weird but true. In fact, I never had a good impression about politics. Just as it is able to create a first-class country, it is just or even more likely to ruin a country. I always thought that politicians were cunning, conniving characters. Of course, they are the good ones too, serving the nation. Yet I usually like to think the worst of anything especially occupations.

Like Lynette (Lim) said today before her party was about to go up and 'bribe' everyone with Mentos candy.

" An election is never an election without bribery."

I guffawed when I heard that. Trust her to come up with something like that. Anyway, my party shouted 'Killer Litter' when she started throwing the candy around. :)

If you want to know more about politics, in particular the British Parliament, more commonly known as the House of Commons, I'll recommend Jeffery Archer's book, The First Among Equals( if i'm not wrong) it's lengthy but nonetheless wonderfully written :)

Lastly, I'll just like to share this few sentences which was part of my speech ( Yes, I was put up by my group to do it :( )

" Let dotmocracy ring from the tops of Mount Faber, let the animals at mandai zoo roar Dotmocracy. Let the birds at Jurong bird park whistle to Dotmocracy..."

You get the hang of it :)

thinking of....

friendship..

what's friendship?

is it the number of years you spent together? the multitude of things you have done together? or even the number of squabbles you had?

can friendship be measured?

is there truly such a thing as best friend, good friend, friend, 'hello-goodbye' friend?

in my case, i can't really describe friendship to you, because i'm learning myself, falling down at times and steadying myself at others. i find myself sharing a different relationship with every single one of my friends. we talk about entirely unrelated things. some about the latest gossip, movies,books. the others about the current affairs, religion, thoughts. superficial or not, they are all important to me. i can't deny the fact that some friendships are indeed more cherished and precious to me, the ones that not only have good memories but bittersweet ones as well.

the astonishing thing i realised is, if you have true friends; time, distance, difference in opinion or thought will cease to matter. a true friend is not just a physical being to accompany you, to please your whims, to keep you from loneliness. if you have a true friend, you would not worry about not keeping in contact for a long time or forgetting each other, because deep down inside you both know that you are always there for each other. and the day you finally meet, despite the changes in your appearance and character, your friendship will still continue as before; as if there never was a parting.



thank you all my friends for teaching about the truth of friendship...