thinking of....

WHY?

why live life to the fullest when you are going to die?

why believe in something you cannot see or feel?

why put faith in someone you cannot reach?

why care about anything when it will cease to matter?

why work when you can't bring money to heaven?

why trust that there is something after life when it might be a lie?

why breathe when you can stop breathing?

why still love when it is so hard?

why hate when it brings you more pain?

why cheat when you are only cheating yourself in the very end?

why make friends when most of them hardly understand?

why eat when it makes you fat?

why smile when it is only for a moment?

why laugh when it's shortlived?

why bother be angry when things don't go your way?

why be happy when things do?

why even bother feeling when it's such a pointless waste of time and effort?

why bother thinking when all it does is complicate and cloud your mind?

why are you reading this meaningless junk?

why?

i think you know why.

thinking of....

Clubbing

okay, i have decided to share about my clubbing experience. to make it easier and more comprehensible i have pasted an excerpt of the conversation Loui and I had on msn the other day. the letters in bold are added on comments to enhance your reading :)

---


a ring of endless light- says:
OH LOUI you know what!!!! i went CLUBBING!!!!!! OMG!

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
huh?! (she's in shock! can't imagine a nerd like me clubbing! read on! :)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
when?!!!

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
and why are u talking like me?

a ring of endless light- says:
on tuesday cos my dad decided to show me the world. he thought maybe i shouldn't be that nerd and study all the time or i'll get duped in the future. ( it's true. my dad thought he 'd let me know some of the harsh realities of life; like how boring life is when you are old)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
what?!

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
haha

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
where did u go?

a ring of endless light- says:
river valley somewhere near mohammad sultan and holland v as well (haha last min decision)
( i found out.. it was river valley community club and ulu pandan cc!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
omg.. is it like , a karoke bar thing?

a ring of endless light- says:
nooooo. i'll kill my dad if he brings me to those sleazy places..
( that's for real. like you have ah bengs and weird characters skulking around. it's not a wholesome atmosphere!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
so what was it?

a ring of endless light- says:
i can't rmb the names. it was more like bar hopping. anyway i got to drink this brownish amber liquid. and it's really disgusting. alcohol stinks! ( well, we really hopped club to club and bar to bar to drink some concoctions. i asked my dad what was the brownish liquid yesterday! he told me it was oolong tea. No wonder it tasted yucky. anyway alcohol really stinks i mean it increase the rate of blood coagulation. you get intoxicated etc!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
oh my gosh!

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
sze min..... GONE WILD! ( yeah. i've gone wild. i was trying to line dance with some of the old liner dancers. :P)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
hahahhaa

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
alcohol and all too ( it's oolong tea! :P)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
tsk ( yeah, i know. the community clubs aren't the best of places.. )

a ring of endless light- says:
plus some of the guys were playing with some gadgets. looked quite cool. it was sleek black and white. (that's weiqi! you know the cool chess game the chinese 'ah kongs' play!) oh yeah and there was a fight! like this two guys suddenly charged at each other! (they were having some karate class and we happened to catch a glimpse!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
oh my gosh! ( i know. the kicks were really scary and all the 'yakks!')

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
hahaa

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
did ur bro go too?

a ring of endless light- says:
oh my mum didn't allow. cos he was studying for an exam. but can tell you he was envious and pissed . haha

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
heh heh heh

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
so what time did u COME HOME? (she's really perceptive! gets right to the point! actually i wanted to leave earlier but my dad said we must be polite and nice to those people. otherwise it'll seem rude.)

a ring of endless light- says:
about 3ish.. (yeah. i know that's like really late. i wanted to be back in the morning at eleven. but it ended at 3pm! grrs!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
o... m... g... ( see even she sympathises me!)

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
u ah..

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
have to go now

Loui: What if God was one of us? *Grobanite/CSI/VAMOS NADAL!!!* says:
see ya tomorrow u certified CLUBBER!
---


yupps! so that completes my clubbing escapades! it was really an enriching experience! i mean i am finally exposed to more of the society!

you should try it someday too! :P

:)

thinking of....

gibberish?

toknow
tosigh
tolove
tomiss
tosee
tocry
tobelieve
tomourn
towin
tolose
tolive
todie

---------------

To know
To sigh
To love
To miss
To see
To cry
To believe
To mourn
To win
To lose
To live
To die

thinking of....

how the prelims are over and i can finally indulge in something i haven't done in about a month..

Columns of books,
My mind intricately bounded by their spines.
A dog-earred page uncurls memories.
Bittersweet for it's an irksome dependance for knowledge.
It's a love-hate realtionship.

i read 3 books in one go!

whee!

o-kay, this is coming from a self confessed bookaholic.

yups, so what's a better way to celebrate then to read books vociferously right after a self imposed long break? i didn't want to read any old book from home so i popped by the school library and there were actually treasures waiting for me!

haha, that's a tad bit of exaggeration but i managed to pick up three books i wanted to read for a long time and one which i piqued my interest. two of the three are chick-lit(erature) books. Shopaholic and Sister and Shopaholic in Manhattan. I enjoyed them tremendously. Nothing like a bit of bimbotic junk and sharp wit to bust all the remanants of the exams. otherwise i'll have residual 'naptha', 'bitumen' and 'Better to be a witty fool than a foolish wit' tendrils floating around my brain, terrorising me. speaking of that, tomorrow we are getting the results...

then i also had Lord of the Flies which i only finished half. i guess most of you will probably approve of this one. Of course, well written and it's creepy. it's ominous; little boys die...

then a random pick of Excerpts of Diaries from War torn Areas or somewhat similar. there are excerpts from the palestine conflict, northern ireland * ss girls, TINK!* and world war II *history girls, TINK!TINK!* . haha but i borrowed it not for academic purposes. it's rather depressing, i'm sitting at home. sheltered, warm and contented. then a sense of guilt for the pleasures i'm partaking overwhelms me. it's an enlightening read.

hmms, i also had plenty of time to pen poems. that's what you do when you realise life's not only about frantic mugging :)

so here's one.

Beautiful Girl

I don't like her.
She is beautiful.
She has pouty, bee-stung lips
And rosy cheeks.

Prominent cheekbones;
Greyish blue irises;
Thick eyelashes;
Abundance of dark brown hair;
Tendrils frame her
Heartshaped face.
Boys often stare.

She makes a slender silhouette.
There is not an ounce of fat.
Skin is porcelain white,
Smooth as freshly churned butter.
Graceful is the word for her gestures.
She exudes elegance at every measure.

The inky mascara applied earlier on,
Drips like tears down her rouge.
Her eyes are vacant.
B-L-A-N-K.
Like a deer caught in headlights.
Her fingers are limp, unmoving.
No spontanetity.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Suddenly,
I pity her.
She is beautiful.
YES!
A mere lifeless doll.

thinking of....

post-it love

love is not in red
it is in yellow
the day you gave me
cutesy pieces of ochre paper

it stuck onto me
those squiggles of boyish scrawny handwriting
stealing bits of my heart
one at a time

a tiny heart at the end
of each message
made my mind woozy
my heart thumping

but soon novelty wore off
like love does most of the time
the once durable sticky paper
soon fluttered off mine

scraps of paper
pepper the soles of my feet
the ground is ochre
my heart is free

now there is only a piece left
it says,
"hey, can we be
friends please?"

thinking of....

sam! ahhs! why me! :/

Instructions of the tag:

Given a topic, you are to write down your answers in your blog, and then send the same topic to 5 other people. Write down the names of these 5 people and link to them on your blog. Go visit their blogs to notify them that they are tagged. The 5 people who are tagged should, in their own blogs, write down the name and link of the person who tagged them, answer the same topic, and send it to another 5 people, etc.

The Topic: Your 5 Quirks


One: When i read i can't put the book down. Even if it's a boring story. I'll just continue reading despite my aching eyes and drowsy mind. It's quite weird but i just have to know the resolution.

Two: I almost always prefer the female character to the male character in movies, books, dramas. For the boy-crazy females out there, you must think i'm nuts :). haha, but that's usually the case. i find females much more intriguing and meaningful than their counteparts. (okay, that sounds a tad too feminist?)

Three: I get the jitters during exams (like who doesn't) but the thing is, i try to placate my inner jumpy self and somehow my sweat pores will get overactive, meaning that i'm calm BUT with very sweaty palms. you can literally see the sheen of sweat on them, not at all good when you actually have to grip onto the pen to write on the exam sheet. :(

Four: I don't like Orchard Cineleisure, heeren too(but for the sake of my dear friends and still go there :p) the reasons being: it's teeming with teenagers, i know i'm a TEENAGER too, but still i abhor the noise, the ah lians, the glares/looks, the atmosphere, the loudness. (no offence who those who sincerely enjoys it, after all each to his/her own)

Five: I define places and people and experiences by smell. this's a good and bad thing. for example when i sense the scent of some perfume or suntan lotion, i will suddenly remember a particular holiday, incident or person. the great part is it's comforting to smell something familiar and 'heartwarming' even the detergent scent when i'm nervous or scared. BUT it's pretty annoying when some people use the same perfume or cologone and i happen to go, "oh! what a marvellous memory!" when someone you utterly did not expect appears in front of you-- in short someone you do NOT what to associate the scent with. can you imagine the horror! :P

the 5 people to 'sabo' :)

- Jia
- Liz
- Ji Hyun ( she has many quirks, i can name a few.. :p.. schiznoprenia anyone? )
- Mich
- Lynette

thinking of....

Paper/Scissors/Stone


Shabbily constructed paper towers of love
Threatened by the slightest of wind
Emotion is papyrus thin
Feelings runs in a funnel

No one takes what you think
Layers of hope snipped off
Revealing fragile white crumpled
petals of hearts

Eyes colour skies greyish blue
Cloudless and dry
Barren, desolate fields within
Shrouds of faces make up an impermeable mist

Be clenched, cold, hardened
To touch Earth's charred surfaces
Ashes seeping through trembling fingers
Still failing to understand why

Crimson courses no more through veins
Only cool, black ink
Fluid clumping to form
Dark, expressionless stones.

thinking of....

random things... i shan't blog about the exams till it's over so i'll not antangonize anyone or drown you people with my complaints... :)

brother/sister

he was two
red-cheeked cherub
like an angel with a golden halo
just right for a little cuddle

she was four
a petulant brat by then
as haughty as a queen
with a whiny voice to complete

she bullied him
he hardly retaliated

he always said, "But Min too!"
whenever someone offered him chocolate

he is now fourteen
a head taller than her
sporting a spiky haircut
his mannerisms no longer cute

she is nearly sixteen
around the same character
but she can't scold him anyone
he's one size larger

they're worlds apart
linked by blood

to wish for that adorable toddler to return
is somehow impossible.

thinking of....

Existence.

what do i want to be?
what am i meant to do?
who am i?

i probably reading the two most contradictory books in my house.

firstly, On being A Christian by Hans Kung
secondly, The Story of Evolution by Ron Taylor

i like the foreword of the first book, it said something like this..

"this book is written for those who..sincerely want to know what's Christianity..

it is also written for those
who do not believe but nevertheless seriously inquire;
who did believe but are not satisfied with their unbelief;
who do believe but are insecure in their faith;
who are at a loss between belief and unbelief;
who are skeptical, both about their convictions and their doubts.

It is written then for Christians and atheists, Gnostics and agnostics, pietists and positivists, lukewarm and zealous Catholics, Protestants and Orthodox. "

Quite an interesting but heavy reading. it talks about Christianity and the current changes in the world and how Christianity will survive and be impacted, whilst we are moving towards a secular society...

on the other hand, the second book talks mainly about biology and geography. the stuff we already know via education. most of the information is already incorporated in the syllabuses. i was pleasantly surpried to find that melanic moths, natural selection and all the things we were taught in biology were covered. makes me feel that i actually have been learning something useful in school.

well, to conclude none of these books helped me answer my questions, perhaps that's why i drawn to philosophy.

on some days, i become so morbid that i plainly tell anyone who meets me, "we are born to live to die." thankfully those days aren't too often. likewise, to me death isn't about giving in, it's about accepting. perhaps that's why i admire those people who are willingly to make a difference in others' lives. with the knowledge that you are going to die someday and become a fossil fuel, what's the point? (that's from an agnostic's point of view)

i don't see our society progressing. it's becoming more chaotic as the years go by.and here am i criticising yet not doing anything. is it because i have submitted to the fate that nothing can possibly save us from this decay? i sincerely don't know. but i hope not. education is meant to lead us to the eventual road of advancement, world peace, whatever way you want to put it. but with the years of education, will it harden your heart and make you into a self centred person who forgets the original goal.

if i study law, i do not want to be the overzealous student who goes in the lecture theatre on her first day with the hope that she can change the world, make a slight difference to people's lives with her contribution but end up graduating and joining a law firm which defends criminals as long as the price is right.

or study politics and thinking that with my contribution there could be better leadership, more policies implemented to care for the welfare of others, more diplomacy among nations but end up joining the opposition which will resort to unscruplous means to defame the ruling party. where is the integrity?
(been hillary clinton's autobigraphy and that's where the politics come into the picture)

Mystic forces at work or not?
Born with an aim or not?
Survival of the fittest?

with no conclusion from my references, i have drawn up my own...

what do i want to be?
i want to be me, with no pretenses or false facades, to remain true to my beliefs and not lose sight of my goal in view of pressing circumstances.

what am i meant to do?
i am meant to do whatever i want to do and am determined to do. i'm not suppose to wait for fate's breeze to gently push me along the path, i'm suppose to stake my own path.

who am i?
i am human thus i have my limitations. i'll do what i deem fit and all in the name of the greater good.

i am just a tiny organism in the face of the universe/universes.
i wouldn't say i'm special but life is special and with life we are meant to do something, even if we don't understand it.
so at the very least we can say we lived our lives.

thinking of....

Happily ever after (NOT)

Grandiose opening swept me off my feet,
A whisper by the ear,
You spun a tale of romance.

Foolishly trusted
I was led by your lies.
Intoxicated by your professions

Young, sweet, mellow
So easily hurt.
My mind – a whir of confusion.

Can’t you see?
You painted a rosy future
For both you and me

Your gallant proposal
Had me falling over your feet.
Cheated, Swindled, Deluded.

I believe in love,
No more.

Enjoy...